i lost

today i finally realized i failed
i don't have what it takes
i fall short
i feel that everything is not enough
i could even make her believe in me...
what else am i
... nothing.

now, i am nothing

... the end.

Our worst fight ng baby ko...

Ordinarily I'm really not a violent person even when I'm really really mad. That's why it was to my surprise when me and my baby had this huge fight that we were in the brink of breaking up. It was really one huge misunderstanding.



I wanted to talk it out but she didn't want to. She wanted to leave na lang. I tried to stop her, when she wouldn't be stopped I locked myself in the bathroom. I just forgot one thing. She has a set of keys to my house nga pala. She went back in only to find me all locked up in the bathroom.



I was crying and hitting everything i can around me. She kept on knocking on the door but I didn't want to let her in anymore knowing it will be our last fight. She just kept on knocking and knocking so I finally let her in. She begged me not to do anything stupid. I begged her not to leave. When she did, I just went berserk. I kicked and hit everything. Basag lahat ng nasa bathroom. As you can see, the bathroom wall had a re-decoration.

She heard the commotion so she went back again. She was shocked to see the debris and begged me to stop. She opened the door (what's left of it) and embraced me to stop. I did. She led me to the bed to check on my bleeding hands. She just hugged my numb body and held my face filled with tears. She could see and feel my body, especially my hands twitching.

She said that it was traumatic for her to see me in that state. She recalled her previous relationship which turned to being already destructive. That's why she was shocked to see the same scenes again. After hours of being silent, then finally talking about what happened, we made up and she made me promise never to do anything that would hurt me because, she is very capable and very willing to do the same, much much worse. I couldn't imagine my baby going thru that pain so I promised never to hurt myself caused by our misunderstandings.


When I returned home, I never thought I caused all that rampage and destruction. It was very blurry and numbing. I just couldn't bear the hurting, the pain in my heart that I had to redirect the pain somewhere else so I wouldn't going insane over my heartache. I never want to hurt my baby and it was so nice to know that she cared for me so much more because she doesn't want me getting hurt either.

The door is left to its original state. I didn't replace it anymore. A constant reminder of how crazy I can be in the thought of losing my baby and how not afraid I am of dying rather than losing the one I love. She is my life. Literally and symbolically.

Some blood stains decorated the door. I never felt the pain in my hands and arms during the whole ordeal. When it ended, I saw my hands and arms... I made such a mess.



This is a constant reminder to me that for as long as we live, we wouldn't allow our relationship to fall into the same pitfalls she had with her previous destructive and degenerative relationships. We would take care of each other. We would talk things out and work it thru. We should, because we have every plan of spending the rest of our lives together... for as long as we live.

I'm happy to know that our relationship is maturing and maturing as time goes by. Love can teach us how to live with the one you love... I love my baby so much!

AY CABALEN - AY CARAMBA!

Me and my baby we’re on our way to meet up with some friends when we decided to kill time by eating early dinner. We didn’t want to go far so we decided to look for a place in West Avenue. Again, it took us so much time just to pick a place to eat, we just don’t feel a calling from the restaurants we passed by. So as not to waste our time completely, we wanted something light, Filipino-something dish, we ended up going to CABALEN.

Known for their Filipino dishes, a place for gatherings and buffets, and that’s exactly what we got. At first there we’re a few people (since it’s still early), but the minute we sat down, people just poured. We kept on hearing “nandyan na po si Pastor”, “kumamay ka muna kay Pastor”, everybody’s in their formal attire (or atleast they tried). It turned out to be a flock of Catholic faithfuls.


We went there, a buffet place, and ordered ala carte, only to find out that our bill was almost like getting the buffet meals already. Damn! We should have gotten the buffet!
We ordered Corn soup, Humba, Crispy veggies (resolution:we would always have veggies in our meals), one rice and bottomless ice tea. That’s me giving the thumbs up (hoping it would be all that I expect it to be...). As it turned out, we ended up asking for Knorr Seasoning, sipping 5 tablespoon of the soup, 1/3 of the Humba (its too sweet, my baby is not a fan of sweet viands for her meals), and the veggies... wasn’t able to finish either. The rice? Half. Ice tea? Lipton. My baby doen’t like Lipton. *sigh* Cabalen turned out to be the most expensive meal since we didn’t like any of their food, not one bit...

Here’s my baby texting her friends how miserable we are with the food.
Gosh, can you see that cute lil nose of hers (can I just pinch it please...) and just pay attention to how she looks at her cellphone... wow! It’s like she can type in letters just by glaring on the screen. She’s such a Diva di ba?!?!

PONCIANAS - LET THE TRAVELOGUE BEGIN

This is actually when we started to document ourselves for the purpose of.... well documenting ourselves hehe. This shot was taken at Poncianas in Timog Ave. Quezon City. As usual, your mild-mannered reporter can’t expose himself so I have to be shot this way so as not to reveal my true identity... I know a lot of you are very curious who this guy claiming to be the owner of AJ’s heart. Well, for the record, I am and will never claim anything like that. Why? Because I am “the” owner of AJ’s heart. I know a lot of people would even kill just to be able to hold this title, unfortunately, it’s too late already.
Enough about me :-)
This is me, kissing my baby on the cheek. Now you know what my nose looks like hehe
Just look at that smile of my baby AJ, aint it so sweet!!!

Poncianas is really very good... and expensive too... Ang dami nga laging tao eh.

This is my baby striking a pose. This is what I call Perfect symmetry!
Just look at that bod man! Simply Gorgeous!!!

Little Quiapo - HUGE Disappointment

There's this place in QC called Little Quiapo... As the folklore goes... It's used to be the "in" restaurant in the good ol' days. So successful that almost all baptismals, weddings, birthdays etc. were held there. I heard that they had a lot of branches too, but then there were Management problems and the rest was history. Now, I learned that there's still a Little Quiapo somewhere in V.Luna in QC.

So there I was trying to impress my baby AJ about the great food we're gonna sink our teeth into. I'm going to take here to that Little Quiapo! We searched for it until we finally found it.
And the rest is... and will be... HISTORY.

Here's my baby AJ looking at another cluttered Menu. So many choices. That smelled trouble already for my baby isn't really a fan of so many choices, the more choices you give her to pick from, the more likely she'll lose interest. Tsk tsk tsk...


This is one of the native crafts you'll find there. A tissue hold with a figure of a man holding it. Weird. The place is adorned with native crafts. Makes you wonder if you entered a museum or a restaurant. But we have to hand it to them for being creative and putting that Filipino touch in their restaurant.

SEE! My baby's still looking at the Menu! These people are SO Inconsiderate! (hehe just kidding! Really, my baby can't decide what to eat...) Nice V-Neck Shirt baby! hmmmm nawawala yung isang shirt ko ah... makes me wonder.... ;-)


She ended up ordering the Pork Steak. How was it? The sauce is ordinary. The meat is hard. Definitely needs tenderizing. We did not finish this one.

I told you last time, I love pancit. I love Sotanghon too. So I ordered their Sotanghon Soup with broth (sounds redundant huh? It does.) Verdict? I tell you, I would rather eat the Lucky Me Sotanghon Soup over and over than to eat this. The Soup isn't really that hot, the veggies were hard and the Sotanghon noodles were substandard. Did not finish this either. So everything was packed for Take Out and we ended up giving them to the Security Guard of their Compound when she went home.

The dinner we had was a complete disaster. Another one of those "Busog ka nga, di ka naman Satisfied".

But in fairness... just look at my baby... wouldn't she make a great commercial endorser? She'd make anything look yummy and appetizing! And that look! Damn that look! Roar! ;-)

Jay Js Grill - His Lola must really loved cooking!

One night, me and my baby went out again and ended up scouting for food... such a sport to us now. We drove from QC to Quezon Ave, to Morato, to E. Rodriguez, to New Manila, still nowhere to eat... (when we look at a restaurant... walang calling eh) still driving... to greenhills, to ortigas ave, Julio Vargas... before we end our journey in desperation, I saw Jay J's Grill. And so we parked, at that point, there was no turning back...

One of the first few things we noticed.... the menu has a lot of food choices...as in A LOT! It took us more than 10 minutes just to decide on what to eat. And the menu has side comments which is kinda cute but turned out to a bit annoying already. Her Lola must have a lot of time on her hands to have cooked all those dishes ;-)

So we finally decided... I got the Pancit Bihon (I love Pancit!)... Unfortunately.... it was only so-so.


She got the Sinigang na Tanigue sa Miso... - Turned out to be another another so-so.

Then we ordered Lechon Kangkong. This is our new resolution, to always have veggies in our dining adventures... We actually finished eating this one. Wow, what a feat for us! The Kangkong is good but to be honest, there isn't really anything special on how it was cooked or prepared that would raise our interest enough to make us go back there... sorry.

Here's my baby! She's either hiding from my camera or she's watching a Koreanobela on the other table... (Anyong Haboseo).

Ang ganda talaga ng baby ko kahit nakatagilid noh? *Sigh* my Princess!!!

Roxas Boulevard City Lights

This is the view from my posh Hotel Suite somewhere in Roxas Boulevard... one cool windy night as I wait for my baby's call on my phone. I can't help myself from drowning into the melancholy nostalgia caused by missing my baby AJ this much. She's in QC and I'm in Manila, separated 16km apart, yet I looked up at the full moon that night, my heart paused, knowing full well that we are under the same sky, staring at the same moon. I miss my detdet so much... I never noticed that I've been staring at these lights till 3AM. The twinkling of the lights seemed to choreographed the sequences in my head... how my baby and I met, how we fought the attraction, how we fought the feelings, how we denied ourselves the realizations, how we held our ground firmly, only to miserably yet lovingly surrender to the force that brought us together... Love. Cliché probably to a lot of people, but to AJ and I... no matter how we fought it, no matter how we denied it, no matter how we ignored it... it only drew us even closer together.

Looking back, as I see these lights, I feel the love, as I remember the flashings, I feel the heartbeat, as I remember the colors, I feel emotions... all rushing back to me, the basic realization why I'm staring at these lights, is simply because I miss the most important person in my life... Aedtnavye Mmmmm.... I love you baby!

The Red Crab Experience

One of the things I really like is eating Crabs! That's why I took my baby to RED CRAB. But then I know for a fact that my baby doesn't eat crabs UNLESS its "himay"ed. So I washed my hands (or did I ba...?) and wrestled the sea creature as a befitting sumptuous food offering to my baby. Yummy Lilian Crab was the right choice. Milky coconut bath for the 1.1 Kg crab, adorned with veggies and spiced just right, worthy to touch my baby's taste palates. Muwah!

Sorry Mr. Crab but as for now, you're Mr. Dinner for me and my baby AJ, all 1.1Kg of you!


This getting to know Mr. Crab up close and personal. See that yummy coconut milk sauce, topped with veggies. Yummmmmyyyyyy!!!!


You really think she'll eat the crab on her own......? Nah!!!! syempre I'll have to make-"himay" the crab all the way to the last fiber of meat in it! Tedious? Very! But... I love it! Anything for my baby!!! Talap ng kain ng baby ko oh! Just look at that humongous claw right there.... It's half her plate already :)


Hmmmm.... lemme claw that naughty tongue of yours baby.... muwah!



Ad ofcourse... who else but Mr. Kal-El ..... sorry peepz, you can only look at the body for now... I may be the owner of AJ's heart... but I'm most definitely a mere love-slave to my baby...